I spent the last week doing nothing. For the first time since I can recall, I didn’t write or create anything; I worked on no projects, and just allowed myself to flow with whatever desires I had in the moment. I read, shopped too much, and spent hours working in the garden. I repotted and fertilized my house plants. I breathed.

The sense of spaciousness taking the time created felt foreign to me at first. I was tempted many times to assign myself goals or metrics of success, and had to remind myself that my mission was to complete one simple task – to not work on any of my projects. No matter what I did, as long as I didn’t do those things, the week would be a success. 

After recently being laid off, I’ve spent the last few weeks scrambling to complete different projects, working on editing a book, dabbling in a self-pubbed project, a podcast, and other things. My rationale as to why I felt the need to cram so many things onto my plate at one time varied by day; who knew when I would again experience such free time? What if I can quickly make enough money from one of these avenues where I don’t need to return to work? How else will I prove my worth as a human being unless I don’t dedicate my time and energy into something to help support my family?

I had friends who tried to be encouraging about my new situation, and I know they meant well, but hearing that “this is the universe giving me signs” to run with my creativity only made the internal pressure I felt grow worse. After my burn out and break, if the universe was trying to tell me anything, it was probably to slow the fuck down. 

For context, I was working on projects all day, from about 9:00 AM, often until 7:00 PM or later. I was depressed, too, feeling like each day was a failure unless I made massive progress each day. Joy had departed the room, and returned only when I made enough space for her.  One of the benefits of being a creative and believing you can make your life into something authentic means that you get to decide what your life looks like. I had forgotten that, and instead shackled myself to a grind or die work ethic that reduced my waking hours to a bitter slog. 

I can’t exaggerate how foreign having space felt. In the beginning it came in flashes, moments of freedom, little blips of relief. Scraps of new stories popped into my head, concepts and characters with emotional weight that I could feel in my body like I was physically beginning to gestate them. I had space too, for other people, for friends and family. Time to slow down and think. To appreciate what I have, and for the first time in a long while, not think about what I was going to do next that was going to make me happy.

I think I have learned that preserving that spaciousness has to be the greatest priority of my creative life. My mind was a garden I had over-planted and over watered – everything in it fought each other for sun and strangled each other with their roots. Now I see I need to make space between things, around things, to let the flowers thrive.  I’m carrying this new found insight into this week. I’m working on one short story – just one! I have one home project I will work on, depending on the weather. I am leaving room to read and take care of my physical space, because working in disorder affects my mental health. 

Closely guarding my time and energy is new to me. I’m sure I’ll over-correct in some areas. But that’s okay. I’m committed to figuring out what balance looks like now, one day at a time.

Every time I go to start this blog I can’t do it. I feel this overwhelming need to attempt to address the insanely messed up world we live in, to somehow unpack everything and make sense of it all. As the weeks have ticked by and I’ve kept putting off, starting felt more and more insurmountable. What do I say, particularly as a white person? Is now even an appropriate time for me to start shouting into the void, potentially drowning others out? What even are my motivations for wanting to shout anything at all? Does it come from a place of justice, or the performative need to satisfy the expectations of others?

This afternoon I decided I was done luxuriating in the frozen valley of perpetual indecision. Silence cannot be afforded, and perfection cannot be demanded. I have no answers, and truthfully I offer no profound solutions. As writers, we have an obligation to question how our work promotes justice. All I can do is put my money where my mouth is + acknowledge my own role by examining my own art and the art I consume with a critical eye.

It can be overwhelming to look into the shadows, but we have to. Marginalized and oppressed people live everyday in a reality the privileged can’t begin to imagine; just glimpsing a fraction of the truth has ignited a conflagration of outrage in the US. But it’s long, long overdue.

If you have the means, please consider donating.

https://blacklivesmatter.com/

This is an example post, originally published as part of Blogging University. Enroll in one of our ten programs, and start your blog right.

You’re going to publish a post today. Don’t worry about how your blog looks. Don’t worry if you haven’t given it a name yet, or you’re feeling overwhelmed. Just click the “New Post” button, and tell us why you’re here.

Why do this?

• Because it gives new readers context. What are you about? Why should they read your blog?
• Because it will help you focus your own ideas about your blog and what you’d like to do with it.

The post can be short or long, a personal intro to your life or a bloggy mission statement, a manifesto for the future or a simple outline of your the types of things you hope to publish.

To help you get started, here are a few questions:

• Why are you blogging publicly, rather than keeping a personal journal?
• What topics do you think you’ll write about?
• Who would you love to connect with via your blog?
• If you blog successfully throughout the next year, what would you hope to have accomplished?

You’re not locked into any of this; one of the wonderful things about blogs is how they constantly evolve as we learn, grow, and interact with one another — but it’s good to know where and why you started, and articulating your goals may just give you a few other post ideas.

Can’t think how to get started? Just write the first thing that pops into your head. Anne Lamott, author of a book on writing we love, says that you need to give yourself permission to write a “crappy first draft”. Anne makes a great point — just start writing, and worry about editing it later.

When you’re ready to publish, give your post three to five tags that describe your blog’s focus — writing, photography, fiction, parenting, food, cars, movies, sports, whatever. These tags will help others who care about your topics find you in the Reader. Make sure one of the tags is “zerotohero,” so other new bloggers can find you, too.

This is an example post, originally published as part of Blogging University. Enroll in one of our ten programs, and start your blog right.

You’re going to publish a post today. Don’t worry about how your blog looks. Don’t worry if you haven’t given it a name yet, or you’re feeling overwhelmed. Just click the “New Post” button, and tell us why you’re here.

Why do this?

• Because it gives new readers context. What are you about? Why should they read your blog?
• Because it will help you focus your own ideas about your blog and what you’d like to do with it.

The post can be short or long, a personal intro to your life or a bloggy mission statement, a manifesto for the future or a simple outline of your the types of things you hope to publish.

To help you get started, here are a few questions:

• Why are you blogging publicly, rather than keeping a personal journal?
• What topics do you think you’ll write about?
• Who would you love to connect with via your blog?
• If you blog successfully throughout the next year, what would you hope to have accomplished?

You’re not locked into any of this; one of the wonderful things about blogs is how they constantly evolve as we learn, grow, and interact with one another — but it’s good to know where and why you started, and articulating your goals may just give you a few other post ideas.

Can’t think how to get started? Just write the first thing that pops into your head. Anne Lamott, author of a book on writing we love, says that you need to give yourself permission to write a “crappy first draft”. Anne makes a great point — just start writing, and worry about editing it later.

When you’re ready to publish, give your post three to five tags that describe your blog’s focus — writing, photography, fiction, parenting, food, cars, movies, sports, whatever. These tags will help others who care about your topics find you in the Reader. Make sure one of the tags is “zerotohero,” so other new bloggers can find you, too.

This is an example post, originally published as part of Blogging University. Enroll in one of our ten programs, and start your blog right.

You’re going to publish a post today. Don’t worry about how your blog looks. Don’t worry if you haven’t given it a name yet, or you’re feeling overwhelmed. Just click the “New Post” button, and tell us why you’re here.

Why do this?

• Because it gives new readers context. What are you about? Why should they read your blog?
• Because it will help you focus your own ideas about your blog and what you’d like to do with it.

The post can be short or long, a personal intro to your life or a bloggy mission statement, a manifesto for the future or a simple outline of your the types of things you hope to publish.

To help you get started, here are a few questions:

• Why are you blogging publicly, rather than keeping a personal journal?
• What topics do you think you’ll write about?
• Who would you love to connect with via your blog?
• If you blog successfully throughout the next year, what would you hope to have accomplished?

You’re not locked into any of this; one of the wonderful things about blogs is how they constantly evolve as we learn, grow, and interact with one another — but it’s good to know where and why you started, and articulating your goals may just give you a few other post ideas.

Can’t think how to get started? Just write the first thing that pops into your head. Anne Lamott, author of a book on writing we love, says that you need to give yourself permission to write a “crappy first draft”. Anne makes a great point — just start writing, and worry about editing it later.

When you’re ready to publish, give your post three to five tags that describe your blog’s focus — writing, photography, fiction, parenting, food, cars, movies, sports, whatever. These tags will help others who care about your topics find you in the Reader. Make sure one of the tags is “zerotohero,” so other new bloggers can find you, too.